destination insanity

why am i soo desperate to write a blog?!
look at me, staring at this web page for a complete 10 minutes..
just staring, thinking of what to type..
i'm not obliged! so why am i wasting my time here? now?
when i cud have used it with more useful things! but that doesn't matter now..
coz i have a funny story to tell..
hahaha..

i don't have the nerve to tell it..
it actually isn't that funny anyway..
sumhow, in my subconciousness..
it is taboo for me to tell people how stupid i think i am..
and its like begging for pity in a way,
when you finally speak of how a failure u have been..
its like giving up..
but i don't really think soo..
i do believe in this world.. that i am a failure..
a trying hard..
good for nothin loser..
but instead of sulking and being sad..
i am using that thought to make me continue for everyday..
with the golden hope in me.. saying..
"sumhow, i won't be that guy anymore"
i am constantly on the climbing process..
and i'm getting to it..
sumhow.. i'm letting go of that name for me..
coz deep insisde.. i know i'm not..
but i use it anyway..
coz it humbles me..
and it purges me to be better day after day..

(i did say it after all.. haha, isn't that funny.. ;p)